got a new drug

remember the old huey lewis and the news song "i want a new drug"? i found mine.
running.
i may get myself in trouble for saying this, making it public that i really do enjoy running, i may be held accountable now.
the fear in it. the challenge in it. the reward of it.
by no means am i a seasoned runner. in fact, i don't ever remember running more than three miles at a time, and that was in college when running was mandatory. yes i was an athlete and running was part of the gig, but not like this. this is personal. i feel like i have done something. i have come from way behind and caught up. 76 pounds ago i would have never dreamed of running, but i did. i tried the new drug and now it is my drug of choice. i feel so good after a run. (i say this now - training for the half marathon has not gotten underway yet) i find doing something for myself hard to accomplish in my situation, but to set goals, achieve them, and continue to challenge myself makes the reward so much sweeter. i have a 5k sunday, i will inform ya on the adventure.

lately i have learned to admit to myself a few things that i am just not good at. i have tried to figure out why i am not, but i can't come up with a good explanation. i suck at weed eating. suck. the only part i am good at is starting the weed eater. i can not measure and cut. i can measure. i can cut. i can not do them together. wood, fabric, whatever - i just can't get the two together. i can not do nothing. i wish deep down inside that i could just sit on a couch like a vegetable and watch tv, but i can't. if, by some chance i am sitting, i am thinking of a million things i could do. one more thing (i am sure others would have a ton, i am just naming a few as to not bruise my ego that much) i am not good at is asking for help. sign of weakness? i can do it better? i don't know. i love to help others, i truly do. i will be the first to sign up, but i find it extremely hard to ask for help. on that note, it is so nice to have help. so nice. today my dad came over and did some drilling (and for that matter measuring and cutting), so nice. this time apart from eric has God right in the middle pointing out our weaknesses that we both need to work on that pushes our marriage to the next level. yes being apart sucks. yes we miss each other dearly. yes our love is stronger because we are apart. yes we are better individuals which makes our marriage better. only 79 more days. i anticipate the reunion at the airport to be so emotional. but remember that real world we live in? he will probably fly in at 2am and with three cranky kids in tote we will receive him in the baggage claim, with his eyes hardly opened due to a 20 some odd hour flight - but you know what - i would not have it any other way. can't wait to see you baby.